So the bear jumped out at the boy, and almost ate him. But the boy convinced the bear to go down into the town, and have a hamburger with him. He did this by describing the ketchup, the mustard, the relish, the pickle, the cheese, the onion, all the condiments.
The bear couldn't relate to the hamburger itself, since he had a pretty meat-based Atkins diet anyway, and wasn't especially hungry for just fried meat. But he figured, if someone would put all those condiments on it, it must really be something. So he came along with the boy, and down into town, through the woods, they went. The boy kept playing yo-yo as he walked.
Finally with a single swoop the bear grabbed the yo-yo and ate it. The problem was, the string was still attached to it, and attached to the boy's finger. And the other problem was, the yo-yo was one of those yo-yos that has a light that keeps going off and on, so now a little glow came from the bear's tummy where the yo-yo was lodged.
The boy got his finger out from the yo-yo just in time, though. There was no way he was going to let a bear eat his arm by accident just because of some yo-yo. And anyway just then a motorbike came up the dirt path in the woods and a ninety-five year old lady was riding it, with no helmet. She almost knocked them both over, but she was very cheerful and glad to have someone to talk to. She had bugs in her teeth from driving too fast.
She said they were having a freedom rally down in the town and everyone was bringing their guns, because they were in favor of the second amendment. The boy was happy about this because, missing his yo-yo already, he needed a new toy. He figured a gun would be just the trick.
The bear, on the other hand, was a little wary of guns, because of his PTSD from when he was a cub. The bear wasn't so much into gun control, as he was just staying away from them altogether, since he knew too much about what they could do. He was of course in favor of stopping in to the restaurant and getting a hamburger with all those condiments, but if there was going to be guns around, he figured he was too big a target to go messing with people. Besides, he still had a parking ticket from last time he went.
He was aware of those trick shooters who would throw a parking ticket into the air and then shoot a hole in it. He thought this was very clever and deep down he wanted to be a sharp shooter like that. But he was afraid that if he tried to use a gun he would just start shooting other people, or maybe other bears. Why not? He had a lot of repressed issues.
The old lady on the motorbike whipped out a pack lunch and they all shared it. The bear especially loved the pickles. But at some point she opened a can of sardines and that made him go wild. Something deep in his memory stirred him. It was not about fishing so much as being packed twelve to a can. But he couldn't quite remember when it was that he had been packed twelve to a can. He was a bear. Maybe it was something about eating twelve fish in one bite. Or having the whole thing packed away in a can of oil. He got a strange sensation.
The boy talked the old lady into going to the freedom rally, and they walked back down the hill. The lady lent the bear the motorbike, since he had some places to go, and they agreed to meet up later and he would give it back. Things were easy that way. She didn't need the motorbike as she, too, had gotten a ticket the last time she was there. She was interested in what kinds of guns people were packing these days, though. She was one person who could put a bullet through a parking ticket with her eyes closed.
TL, 12-20
